We need a few new television programmes. So here are a few ideas…

Leinster House. We could have a few new shows from there.

It’s safe to say that television is a victim of the lockdown.

I’m watching too much of it.

I’ve managed to resist daytime quiz shows thank God.

But while there’s lots of good stuff on the box, there’s also a lot of dreadful rubbish.And the problem is, when you’re watching television every night – I do radio during the day – you start to get fed up with even the programmes you like.

So I wonder if they could update them or change them a little bit just to keep us amused.

For example, what if Ireland’s Fittest Family became Ireland’s Fattest Family? Yes, I know there’d would be snowflakes* on complaining about fat shaming. But it might be worth it.

*(Why is it always snowflakes? Why don’t hailstones get a look in?)

And then we might have Bland Designs, you know, a programme about some really horrible buildings like maybe O’Connell Bridge House and the Civic Offices.

Instead of First Dates would it not be more fun to have Worst Dates? I’m sure most people can remember a nightmare date in their lives.

And we could update Operation Transformation by adding a hypen. Operation Trans-formation could look at gender reassignment surgery.

Oireachtas Resort could report on those among the elected who treat Leinster House like a holiday camp.

Reeling in the Deers might be a programme about the annual cull in the Phoenix Park.

The Latte Latte Show could be all about how to make all the different coffees people like. Latte, Capucino, Epresso, Mocha, Flat white, Macchiato and what not with decaf and lactose free and almond milk and free trace and recyclable cups – sure you’d get a whole season out of it.

Crime Time would let the crims have their day. I mean, some of them seem to crave publicity so let them at it – as long as Nicola Tallant comes on afterwards to tell the real story.

We could have a furniture show called Fair Settee or a naturist version of the soap called Bare City. Well, Channel Four has its Naked Attraction so why not?

And we could have a women’s health programme called At Your Cervix.

Mind you, the one I’d look forward to most is The Weak in Politics.

Is that a programme that would run or run or what?

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