I think my car damaged my leg because I never had it cleaned. (The car, that is, not the leg.)

The scar: what we saw when the first bandage was removed

A lot of people have been asking me about the injury to my leg.

That’s not strictly speaking true.

But I think the only reason people aren’t asking is because they don’t want to embarrass me.

So I’ll just go ahead and answer anyway.

It’s grand thanks.

But because it bled for three days I had to go to A&E for four days in a row – like I’m not there often enough as it is.

I really think they need to introduce a loyalty card system there.

Anyway, I mentioned that the injury was essentially down to my suffering from CFES – Complete Feckin’ Eejit Syndrome.

At first I thought I had the early signs of dementia. But the doctor said they weren’t early.

This saga all began when I banged into the car door and the corner of it came into contact with my shin in much the same way as Rhys Ruddock comes into contact with his opposite number on the rugby field.

(I had better mention here that paranoia is another symptom associated with CFES.)

Then I thought, maybe the car attacked me.

Well, I’ve had a feeling recently that it’s a bit unhappy. I didn’t get it cleaned for Christmas. Actually, I didn’t get it cleaned at all since I bought it.

And, I thought, it’s probably fed up with me playing the same music over and over again.

And spilling coffee on it.

See? It’s a big scar laughing at me.



So when they  took the bandage and the steri strips  off the other day I photographed it

And then I turned the photograph sideways.

My leg is laughing at me.

It’s in league with the car.

They’re in it together.


Excuse me. I have to go.

I’ve just spilled boiling hot tea on my leg.

The other one.



I believe scientists are working on a cure for CFES and hope to have one by 2070 which might be too late for me…


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