Not Murphy's Law, Murray's Law for 2019 and beyond

  1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  2. He who laughs last, probably didn’t get the joke.
  3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  4. Nothing is foolproof to a determined fool.
  5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  6. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
  7. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
  8. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
  9. Politics is the art of the possible but if it’s not possible the other crowd is to blame.
  10. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  11. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  12. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
  13. A bird in the hand is probably a seagull after your chips.
  14. The person holding up the supermarket queue looking for the exact change, never has it.
  15. In half the world, a red sky at night probably means a bush fire.
  16. “Your call is important to us” means the opposite.
  17. If it’s not broken you probably only just bought it.
  18. God helps those who help themselves, not including shoplifters.
  19. The early bird gets the artificial grass.
  20. (Finally one from Spike Milligan) People who live in glass houses, should pull down the blinds before removing their trousers.

(The above are done in the manner of a wedding; Old, new and borrowed. I omitted blue.)

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