The A-Z of chronic illness not including J, Q, U, W, X, Y and Z (or Why I’m Sick Again And Sick Of It)

I don’t actually want to get Jaundice or VD or Yellow Fever. I’m sick again.

It’s just that I can’t help noticing that I have a medical condition for all but seven letters of the alphabet. J, Q, U, W, X, Y and Z are the ones I have avoided so far.

Right now it’s Shingles. And, yes I know, I’m very brave not to cry.

So what are all the other conditions I have or had?

Here’s the list.

A 

Aspiration

Atrial fibrillation 

Alopecia

B 

Bronchiectasis 

C 

COPD

D 

Diabetes

E  

Emphysema 

F  

Fibrosis

G 

Graft Versus Host Disease

H

Hypochondria

I

Immune deficiency

J

K 

Keratocomjunctivitis

L  

Lymphoma 

M  

Mycosis Fungoides

N  

Necrosis

P  

Pulmonary Edema 

Psoriasis

Q

R  

Rheumatoid Arthritis

S   

Shingles 

T   

Tinnitus

U*

V  

Vitiligo

X

Y

Z

*(My wife said I have a disease beginning with U – Unable to do DIY – but I pointed out that “Unable to do DIY” is not a disease, it’s a gift.)

As for hypochondria?

I’m afraid so.

I once had doctor who, when I lived I’m Bray barred me.

Really.

He told me that he loved my visits and money would get him a lovely holiday but, he said, “you’re barred.”

And just in case I hadn’t got it he added this.

“I don’t care if you’re knocked down by a JCB on the Main Street, you’re barred for six months.”

I was mortified.

I didn’t go near him for years.

His plan worked!

But then, a few years ago, I really did get sick.

And I’m confused.

Should a hypochondriac be happy when he’s told he’s sick? I know the answer. It’s NO!

Anyway, I’m sick again like I said. And I’m sick of it.

Wait. Is there a name for that?

*The cartoon, by the way, is by the brilliant Paul Noth who gave me permission to use it. You can see a lot more at www.paulnoth.com or you could could buy one of his brilliant books such as How To Properly Dispose of Planet Earth or How to Sell Your Family to Aliens which would definitely cheer you up. Because of they can cheer me up right now, they can cheer anyone up.

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