The Royal Family: The whole concept is as odd as some of them are

Mummy and Charles: She’s a nice lady. But I just don’t get Royalty

I’m sure Queen Elizabeth is a lovely woman.

She’d be great craic over nice cup of tea and sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Might even enjoy a pint if she was let.

Her family might be a bit, eh, odd. But, sure, you can’t have everything.

She was mighty when she was here a few years ago with the cúpla focal and all.

And she seemed to like us as much as we liked her. 

I think her welcome was more, how do I put it? “sincere” than the one Victoria got a few years previously.

But to be quite honest, I don’t get the royalty thing at all.

I don’t understand why one family, by sheer dint of luck, gets to live in palaces and have dozens if not hundreds of servants bowing and scraping and gets to call everyone else their “subjects.”

I watched the Queen’s speech to the House of Lords (that’s another one!) today and really find to take in all that dressing up.

Yes, I’m all for tradition but I’m kind of glad we moved on from whatever was the fashion in 1500 to what we’ve got today with the exception of tattoos, man buns and going without socks.

It’s hard to believe that 67 million people actually take seriously the Queen referring to “my government” when it’s crystal clear that Boris couldn’t give a proverbial what she thinks and most if not all of those in his cabinet feel likewise.

I know the Daily Mail would have to close if it didn’t have ten stories (mostly negative) about Meghan every day and ten stories about Kate (mostly positive) every day.

That’s just one of the positives of abolishing royalty.

Its defenders will say it’s tradition.

Well, likely as not there was once a tradition of starting the year by sacrificing a small child or, if not, a Corgi or some such.

But we became more civilised as a centuries passed – at least until Trump and BoJo arrived to suggest that maybe we’re going backwards now.

The whole royal thing attracts tourists, its defenders say. So does the zoo. I don’t get the comparison.

It doesn’t do any harm, they’ll tell you. Apart from the enormous cost, the vast empty castles which could be put the better use and Prince Andrew, probably not.

It’s a great British tradition, they’ll insist.

British?

Sure the whole House of Windsor thing is made up. They’re really the Saxe Coburg of Gotha lot.

And even if they were really 100 per cent British and English and what not, I don’t see how people allow them to go on as they do.

I mean, can you imagine if a gang called the Boru family started parading around Ireland as if they owned the place?

Or some O’Connor wan turned up and said here great great great great something or other was our last High King and she wanted the throne back?

Royalty has had its day. 

Time for it to be consigned to history.

The King is dead.

And the Queen? Well, she did like it here, didn’t she?

And she likes horses.

So maybe we’ll give her a little place near the Curragh.

And they can turn Buckingham Palace into a hostel for the homeless which will, hopefully, soon include Boris.

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